Today in church you had your sermon about Heaven being not that far. You told the congregation and you told me, that Heaven is like the room next door. You said we need not look up beyond the stars or higher than the sky, we needn’t go that far, the moment we were dead and gone from this old world.
Over the last weeks I haven’t been quite happy for multiple reasons but I won’t bother you with that again. And to those whom I brushed off in the past days, I apologise. I shouldn’t have been so harsh on you and I am sorry.
Yesterday I had my regular infusion so for the next days I will be recuperating and be getting back on my feet. And I need to be a little more happy I think.
The sweet smell of peaches lingers through the air following a trace that passes my nose. Someone on the radio sings a wonderful life and I just had a second cup of coffee. Outside a bird is singing his love song to the bird he’s in love with and I, well I am basically in the same mood except the woman I love is not in sight.
“I sincerely would like to go running to get rid of the frustration but this frustration is caused by the inability to run.”
This is what I told myself a few days ago. Being chronically ill is at times really frustrating. On the one hand I do not want to complain, on the other hand it is sometimes really frustrating!
When I still had a job outside the house my mind was taken off the subject at most times but now I’m at home I sometimes can not get it out of my head at all. And it has gradually become lonelier too.
There he was, standing in the middle of that dusty road. He was huge, at least seven foot high and he had the arms of a lumberjacker. He had a grey beard, I think he must have been around sixty years old and he wore dungarees like in the old days of The West. He wore a large hat and his clothes were dusty and worn. “If you go any further I must tell you this first.”, he said with a voice of authority. I had been walking for days now and had not met a single person. His voice sounded like thunder after days of only birds whistling and leaves rustling in the wind. Somewhere in the distance a hawk screamed and ducked down to it’s prey. Nearby a rabbit ran to the shade at the side of the road. There were high ferns below the trees at the left where the edge of the forest was and fields with grass, heather and bushes as far as the eyes could see on the hills to the right to the mountains at the horizon.
I remember when I was a child my dad used to tell me about the war. And that the war had destroyed Rotterdam, the city where I was born. On 14 May 1940 the Germans bombed the historic city center with 97.000 kilogrammes of explosives which led to the capitulation of the city. The rest of The Netherlands followed after the Germans threatened to do the same to Utrecht and other large cities.
Image: Public Domain | Creative Commons License CC0 1.0
Three hours to think. In the dark on the cross. And for centuries we take our time to turn around. Three hours of utter darkness. And then He had decided, to save our Lives. And we, we are already in the light. And we take our time, for a thousand years. To turn around. Three hours to think. What if He comes back now? How long will you take your time?
I have four lovely children, Anouk (18), Niels (16), Liset (14) and Joris (10). They grow up fast and lately they have been complaining there is not enough food on the table at tea time.
I usually have the same amount of food for every meal and when they complained I decided to make 50 % extra for each meal from now on. For example, instead of just over 1 kilogram of peeled potatoes I now made at least 1.5 kilogram. Or rice, or pasta. And likewise for vegetables and meat.
This is me, a long time ago in 1990. At the time that picture was taken I was living in England and I did a sponsored bike ride.
I remember it was cold when I started off very early in the morning and it was cold and dark when I got back.
Years ago I had severe problems with my lungs and due to years of pneumonia and being chronically ill my lung capacity had been reduced. To find out the extend of the damage I was sent to a hospital for research and checks and having yet again survived another pneumonia this was a hard thing for me to do.
This is where they put you in an air tight glass booth with a peg on your nose and a nozzle in your mouth to measure several aspects of the lungs. Day one passed with endless flow tests using different irritating substances such as ammonia to irritate the lungs and then measure air volume, oxygen absorption, capacity and other things.