Christmas Jumper

I showed him the picture and asked him for a 3XL and he just laughed and said there weren’t enough Christmas lights in the world to go with that. Cheeky! “Sir if that is on top of your Christmas List as you say, what is second?” he asked. I told him with overt sarcasm that would be Dungarees and he laughed even more.

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Brexit explained

Brexit. That is what we call it, Great Britain leaving the EU. And soon there will be a Referendum about it so the British people can have their say in the matter.

One of my friends said she likes to make an informed choice and she hasn’t been very well informed so she doesn’t know what to vote now.

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Stretch!

The leftovers from Christmas are gone and so are the delicacies we had last night, New Year’s Eve. The other thing left is all the gained pounds round the Equator. Not that I care really. Last year I have made a discovery that can cure this.

It is difficult to maintain a steady weight when you’re on infusions every three weeks. In Swampyland we have this expression, Yo-Yo Kilos and I have six of them.

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Addio La Multipla

It is possible to both love and hate something and our La Multipla was one of these things. A little less than five years ago we bought the car from a shady car flogger (the type of car sellers that rent a field, sell a lot of dodgy cars planted on it and then disappear).

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A boring holiday in France

Vacances en France, a holiday journal

 

This is where I am going to tell you everything about our holiday. You can use a French accent to make it more fun to read out loud.

 

 

Day 1 – Dimanche

The first day of our holiday to France: departure, six o’clock in the morning. We drove through Swampyland, Belgium and France for 10 solid hours. The wind howled around the mounts of the roof case on the car, a Fiat Multipla. Besides that it is the most ugly car human kind has ever invented throughout history, it is also a very noisy car. We had a break for breakfast and then for a pee and then for lunch and then one for a pee again. And it rained. In the evening we got lost finding our hotel. We went to the police station to ask for directions. On the floor at the police station was a white stripe with the word ‘derrière’ on it. It means ‘arse’ in English. Anouk speaks very good French, almost like a native French woman really. It did help us humongously to communicate with the locals but the police man and police woman didn’t know either where the hotel was, that’s how obscure this little hotel really was. It wasn’t called Bonsaï Hotel for nowt you know, very difficult to find. When a police man in France says « Toutes directions » it means « Whatever road you take, we don’t care ». And when we found the little hotel eventually we were very disappointed, it was a real dump. The WiFi internet was for free however. We then decided to go look for a restaurant nearby and found ‘Del Arte’, an Italian restaurant. The only Italian thing about this restaurant was a picture of Al Capone on the wall. I had a large vase with Heineken Lager and Lasagna and the kids had a char coaled pizza. It is nine o’clock in the evening now and I’m going to sleep. Nothing happened. Utterly boring.

 

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So I’m eccentric

Today someone said to me: “Doesn’t it worry you that people find you a little bit eccentric?” To which I replied “Am I?” And then I thought: “So what? Does it really matter?”

People come in all sorts and sizes. Some have a hump, some have a lisp, some stink. And some are quite normal, like you, or a little bit eccentric, like me. But we all enjoy the warmth of the sun in the same way. Personally I’m not bothered that people say I am eccentric, and I don’t even care that I really am. I quite enjoy my life as I live it, idiosyncrasies, odd hobbies and peculiarities included. There’s a name for that: HAPPINESS!

So if you happen to step into my life, accept me the way I am. And if you don’t: I still pour you a cup of coffee. Because that’s what I’m like.