PatienceThree weeks, time flies when you’re having fun they say. And then that dreaded day arrives again. I am not scared anymore, haven’t felt like that for years. But at the same time I loathe the day of infusion.

I shouldn’t be ill, I should be running, swimming, cycling, singing, making love like mad, dancing, playing footie with my children. This man was not made for sitting still on a couch for days, weeks, months, years even. I wasn’t made for this imperfection that is slowly dragging me down into an inevidable grave. I want to jump, rejoice, sing a glorious song but instead I am weak.

I am not praying for healing anymore, I gave that up long ago and accepted that the good Lord allowed this to happen and gave me just enough strength to bear this at the same time. I intensely long for that day that I am free of this disease and I can join in the choir above.

I wished I had enough patience for that but instead I am crying. Not for self pity but for the mere hopelessness of my situation and the absense of power.

I am weak but in my head I must be strong, endure this and be patient. A better day will come sometime. Free.



Leendert van Gemeren

Dit ben ik, Leendert. Ik ben een beetje ouderwets en houd van dingen die geweest zijn, bijvoorbeeld oude Engelse series op TV zoals All Creatures Great And Small, mechanische horloges, bifocale brillen en oude langspeelplaten. Ik houd niet van moderne dingen en werk regelmatig aan een ouderwetse modelspoorbaan. Ik volg Jezus en schrijf mijn gedichten soms ook over Hem maar ik schrijf ook verhalen over het leven. Excentriek. Op feestjes ben ik vaak te vinden in de keuken.

This is me, Leendert. I am a little bit old-fashioned and I love things from the past, old series like All Creatures Great And Small, mechanical wristwatches, bi-focal glasses and vinyl records for example. I am not keen on modern things and I often work on this old style model railway. I follow Jesus and sometimes write a poem about Him but I also write about my life. Eccentric. You can often find me in the kitchen at parties.

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