Frustration

“I sincerely would like to go running to get rid of the frustration but this frustration is caused by the inability to run.”

This is what I told myself a few days ago. Being chronically ill is at times really frustrating. On the one hand I do not want to complain, on the other hand it is sometimes really frustrating!

When I still had a job outside the house my mind was taken off the subject at most times but now I’m at home I sometimes can not get it out of my head at all. And it has gradually become lonelier too.

Most of my friends have a job, are healthy and have a lot to do in their spare time. They don’t want to listen to someone whining about being ill all the time, three-weekly infusions, weakness and the ever present fatigue. They probably want to go to their sports club, pub or a friends’ card game evening rather than that. And who could blame them really.

Today was Sunday and everybody I know went to church or was otherwise busy enjoying themselves. I spent most of the day on the couch, being bored, listening to music. I wished I had the energy to go out but as it was I hadn’t. I listened to uplifting gospel music, talked to my family, cooked tea and back to the couch again. And being particularly grumpy sometimes I put on my moping face, see below.

I know I shouldn’t have done that really but it just happened. And I am sorry, I didn’t mean it to happen. But sometimes life can be so frustrating!